Thought Controlled Cat Ears

By using sensors that detect the electrical impulses of neurons firing in your brain, these creepy cat ears automatically move based on your mood and thoughts. They perk up when you’re focused, droop when you’re sleepy, and flick when you’re interested in something. Perfect for people who have trouble verbalizing their emotions. This product brings cutting edge technology to the average weirdo where it belongs. Amazingly, they do actually work.

Buy from Amazon

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Game of Scones

Television and food go hand in hand, and any television show is better when viewed with scone or three. You may never sit on the throne yourself, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be the king of baked goods for a day. But the competition is fierce and cutthroat, and you need an infallible guide. This book is that guide, and will lead whoever holds it into that promised place of legendary pastry mastery. Be careful into whose hands it falls.

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How To Swear Around The World

Help someone broaden their horizons by learning a new language, starting with the most colorful parts. If they’ll be doing any traveling soon this stuff may prove useful. Not so they can cuss out the locals, but so they can understand what people are mumbling about them under their breath. After all, Americans aren’t always the most courteous tourists. This explicit resource covers all the filthiest expressions the locals will be using, in dozens of languages, complete with handy illustrations so they’ll be no confusion.

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WTF Note Pad

Sometimes people just don’t seem to get the message. For those occasions when subtly and tact have failed, there are WTF notes. Great for when you’d like to know “WTF is up?”, “WTF did you mean by that?”, or “WTF was in that drink last night?”  A handy tool when you need to get to the bottom of issues with friends, loved ones and co-workers, just issue a formal statement of your confusion with a WTF note.

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Face Coasters

Face Mats are the perfect combination of bizarre and useful, and are the most fun you can have with a drink coaster. Use them to protect your table, and when your done with your beverage, just hang the coaster from your nose to assume your new identity. Face coasters are doubled-sided and the complete set has 40 different personas.

Buy from Amazon

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Molecular Gastronomy Kit

If there are some people in your group who like to get creative in the kitchen, this molecular gastronomy kit may be the perfect gift. This DIY kit contains all the ingredients, tools, and instructions needed to conduct bizarre food experiments like making chocolate spaghetti noodles, bursting caviar beads, solid spheres of yogurt, or turning lemon into foam.

Buy from Amazon

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The Wine Rack

Whether she prefers a fine vintage bottle or a box of wine from Walmart, the wine rack is a hilarious addition to any woman’s wardrobe. From little league games to company meetings, this bra is sure to come in handy for the thirsty gal at your white elephant party. The Wine Rack fits most cups sizes, and the flexible drinking tube allows stealthy sipping from the generous 25 ounce beverage bladder. If you can find a better combination than wine and boobs, you get that instead.

Buy from Amazon

Also available as a beer belly…

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Portable Ping Pong Kit

This portable ping pong set is a great gift for the competitive folks at your white elephant party. The retractable net attaches easily to any flat surface like a table or desk, so you can set up quickly and tear it down when the boss walks into the room. The kit comes with the adjustable net, two paddles, two ping pong balls, and a carrying bag.

Buy from Amazon

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Name a Star with The International Star Registry

The International Star Registry is the first star naming company and has been keeping records since 1979. There are billions of stars left in the sky to choose from, and you can name it anything you want. Packages include a full color certificate with the name of your star, its coordinates, and a detailed star map with the location of your star circled in red. Most people will consider it a unique and noteworthy gift, on the other hand, if you can think of a better use of your money than buying a dot of light in the sky that doesn’t actually exist anymore then you should probably just buy that.

Check it outBuy from Amazon

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Cup That Tricks Your Brain

The Right Cup is an innovative drinking glass that tricks your brain into thinking regular water is flavored. Olfactory input plays a critical role in taste perception, and this cup’s addition of scents will have you believing you’re drinking cola or fruit juice. Available is 5 aromatic flavors, The Right Cup is a perfect gift for people in your group who are addicted to sugary drinks.

Check it outBuy from Amazon

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Give a Sh*t Coins

Ever heard someone say they couldn’t give a sh*t? Well now they can, and if they’re feeling generous they can also give a flying f*ck. The message is much more effective in metal coin form. This is a system of currency for modern day jackasses that is just as legit as our actually monetary system, which is based on nothing.

Check It Out

white elephant gifts coins

white elephant gifts coins

white elephant gifts coins

white elephant gifts coins

Make Your Own Bacon Kit

Give a man a piece of bacon and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to make bacon, and he develops heart disease. Nonetheless, this bacon making kit would be an awesome gift for any meat eater, and would likely be stolen in a white elephant exchange. The kit includes curing bags, pink curing salt, maple sugar, a thermometer, and complete instructions to take you from raw pork belly to premium crispy bacon. The process is not all that hard, and customers say the bacon is amazing.

Buy from Amazon

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Giant Winking Eye Bag

Get flirty with this disturbing eyeball handbag. It’s monstrous 3D eye looks all too real and holographically winks as the bag moves. Perfect for the girl who seems to flirt with everyone, or the person who just likes to have all eyes on them. The crossbody bag is just big enough to hold the essentials, but obviously isn’t meant for functionality. The larger shoulder bag can carry most anything you need.

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Buy Land on the Moon

LunarLand has been selling deeds to acreage on the moon since 1980. According to their website, The UN Outer Space Treaty of 1967 prevents any government from owning extraterrestrial land but allows individuals and companies to claim land the way that early US settlers did. Whether or not your Moon Deed will hold up in lunar court is another question. It certainly makes a memorable white elephant gift and will likely be traded multiple times. Lunar land is available in packages of 1-100 acres. The company also sells deeds for land on Mars, Mercury, Venus, and Jupiter’s IO moon.

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Google Cardboard – Poor Man’s Virtual Reality

Google Cardboard is a virtual reality headset for the poor man. It doesn’t deliver a state-of-the-art VR experience like the popular Oculus, but it will give a taste of what’s possible with VR and what’s coming. It’s a foldable cardboard housing with two lenses that uses a smart phone for a screen. There are a range of apps, games and videos available for these devices which provide a rudimentary 3D and immersive experience. For example, you can ride dizzying virtual roller coasters and examine the virtual world as you move your head around. The technology has a long way to go but it’s fun to play around with for awhile, and it’s certainly a gift that will be traded and stolen in your white elephant exchange.

Check it outBuy from Amazon

 

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One Year Amazon Prime Membership

If you’re looking for a gift that people will actually want, consider a one year Amazon Prime membership. Benefits include free two-day shipping on items ordered from Amazon, streaming access to thousands of movies and TV shows, free access to over one million songs, and over 800,000 books. You can get a membership in the form of a gift card so you easily give it to anyone, and if the recipient already has a Prime membership they can use it as an all-purpose Amazon gift card for buying products.

Buy from Amazon

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Bug Vacuum

This bug sucking vacuum is perfect for all the arachnophobes in your group. It can pull in spiders, roaches, beetles and other insects while allowing the squeamish to keep their distance. Bugs get sucked up intact and unharmed, so you can release them somewhere else, or pull their legs off one by one for invading the sanctuary of your home. These are battery operated, so be sure to include those so everyone can play with the thing. Some models come with a built-in LED flashlight for hunting bugs in the dark.

Buy from Amazon

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Banksy Wall Decals

If there are some art lovers in your group, a Banksy wall decal may be a perfect gift. These are copies of original street art by the infamous, controversial and anonymous artist that transformed graffiti into a high art form worth millions. The vinyl decals adhere to any flat surface without glue and are easily repositioned. There are dozens of Banksy’s most notable pieces to choose from including the Sweeping Maid, Shooting Panda and Girl with Red Balloon.

Buy from Amazon

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50 Caliber Bottle Opener

The Bottle Breacher is perhaps the most badass way to open a beer, other than with your teeth. These are real 50 caliber bullets that are over 5 inches long. Bottle Breachers are hand crafted from authentic, recycled ammunition by US military veterans. Bottle Breacher appeared on Shark Tank in season 6, and secured an investment from Mark Cuban and Kevin O’Leary. Available with polished chrome or brass finish in a nice gift box.

Buy from Amazon

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Star-filled Envelope

The Star-filled Envelop is described as a miniature planetarium and star gazing experience, inside an envelope. Simple cut them open and look inside for an astrologically correct view of the night sky. The manufacturer notes that gazing up at a starry sky in the comfort of your own home is perfect after a hard day’s work. Sold in a set of 5, each with a different view. For a similar effect, you might try poking some holes in an envelope of your own.

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Money Soap

Money soap is a bar of hand soap with random amounts of real money inside. Most bars have $1, but you may get one with $5, $10, $20 or $50. It’s so tightly rolled you won’t know until you use up the soap. There are about 100 reviews from verified customers on Amazon, and there are a decent amount that report something other than $1, and a few that say they got $50. It’s a great white elephant gift, and probably the most exciting bar of soap anyone has gotten as a gift.

Buy from Amazon

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Food Candles

Scented candles are one of the most ubiquitous gifts anyone can receive. If you want to go that route for your white elephant gift exchange, you need to find something that stands out from all the other scented candles they’re about to receive over the holidays. CandlelitDesserts has you covered with their unique food themed candles like this Fruit Loops cereal bowl, jumbo cupcakes, donuts, creme brûlée, mac and cheese, and many more. These tasty looking creations are also available as soaps.

Buy from Etsy

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food candles for white elephant gift

Fish Training Kit

According to Dr. Dean Pomerleau of R2 Fish School, whose fish holds the Guinness World Record for largest repertoire of tricks, almost any fish that is 1-6 inches in length can be trained. This kit contains step by step instructions that teach you how to use food rewards to train fish to perform ridiculous and entertaining feats. Teach a goldfish to play fetch, shoot hoops, swim the slalom, limbo dance, play soccer and more. Includes a 45 minute DVD, special feeding wand, training field, base platform, and more fish training paraphernalia.

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Check out this video where Dr. Pomerleau demonstrates his fish training skills:

 

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Custom Voodoo Doll

It’s tantalizing to think of all the people you could make voodoo dolls out of. For an office gift exchange, a voodoo doll of your boss would be an all-time winner. You can even include a voice box so that every time you squeeze the boss it repeats the same phrase. What a calming, reassuring presence it would make in any employee’s home. Of course, the options don’t stop with your boss. Just send in a picture of someone you would like to torture, and they’ll make it a reality. Most of all, don’t worry about what anyone thinks of your choice of who to effigize. Doesn’t it feel good to put your real feelings out in the open?

Buy from Budsies

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Animal Poop Gourmet Coffee

Kopi Luwak coffee is made from partially digested coffee beans eaten and defecated by the Asian palm civet. It is one of the most expensive types of coffee in the world and is considered a delicacy by some. Advocates of this already-been-used coffee say the reason Kopi Luwak is so good is that the civet chooses only the best beans, which are partially broken down by the digestion process. The beans are collected from the animal’s fecal matter, processed, and sold as gourmet specialty coffee.

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Portable Sauna

Sure, saunas offer many health benefits and all that, but who has time to go to the spa? Luckily there is no need, since using a sauna is now as easy as setting up this giant bag, zipping yourself in, and cranking up the heat. Consider these perfectly appropriate times you could use a portable sauna:
– At church
– Jury Duty
– Haircuts
– Dinner parties
– Concerts and shows
– Job interviews

Buy from Amazon

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Real Insect Necklace

Most people are creeped out by bugs. But bugs are actually amazing and beautiful creatures, tiny masterworks of form and function. Help someone see these marvelous living machines in a new light, by presenting bugs as art. Tell them all the influencers, celebrities and trendsetters are wearing bugs now. People will believe anything.

Buy from Etsy

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Foldable Silicone Keyboard

If your white elephant exchange is happening in your workplace, office equipment could be a logical choice for a gift. Especially if it’s a bit odd, like this flexible silicon keyboard. It’s lightweight and waterproof, and could actually be useful for people who work on the go, since they could roll out a workplace just about anywhere. Now they just need a roll-up monitor and roll-up battery.

Buy from Amazon

FOLDABLE SILICONE KEYBOARD for white elephant gift

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How to Poo at Work

Learn how to deal with tough situations including how to poo when your boss is in the next stall, or when your coworker follows you into the bathroom. What should you do if you clog the toilet? What about running out of paper? This book shows you how to deal with any poo related problem you might encounter on the job. Includes a “log book”, double-sided poster, and warning stickers like Biohazard and Give it a Minute. It’s a classic white elephant gift for office parties, and one that may actually teach your co-workers some lessons that everyone will appreciate.

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Gardenzilla

Garden gnomes are one of the tackiest and most pervasive home decorating trends to ever take hold of American suburbia. Their prevalence is astounding and their population is booming, second in numbers only to the iconic pink lawn flamingo. Many people love them, and many more hate them. But no one hates garden gnomes more than Gardenzilla. If someone in your white elephant exchange is overrun with a garden gnome infestation, just release one of these voracious Gardenzillas into the environment and let nature take its course.

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Grilled Cheesus Sandwich Press

This may not count as the Second Coming, but a grilled Cheesus sandwich may help someone in your white elephant group see the light. They say God works in mysterious ways, so perhaps this gift will help someone accept Cheesus into their…stomach. A divine addition to anyone’s kitchen, this holy sandwich press actually does some real good in the world – a portion of sales is donated to food banks.

Buy from Amazon

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Handerpants – Underpants for Your Hands

With these Handerpants from Accoutrements, you can extend the stylish and classic look of tighty-whities to the rest of your wardrobe. They’re a striking accessory for formal or casual attire and are a great conversation starter for any occasion. Handerpants are an ideal gift for the sweaty-palmed or germaphobe in your group, and are a great option for the fashion challenged. Hilarious for job interviews, construction sites, and blind dates.

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Seniors Texting Code Mug

If there are some older folks in your white elephant exchange, they’re no doubt struggling to keep up with all the latest texting lingo the young whipper-snappers are using. Much of it doesn’t really apply to them anyway, unless they were to write something like “ROFL and can’t get up” which should really be written ROFLACGU. Here’s a set of senior texting codes that will make a whole lot more sense to them, conveniently printed as a cheat sheet on this handy coffee mug. They’ll find plenty of useful shortcuts like BTW (bring the wheelchair), BFF (best friend’s funeral), and WTFA (wet the furniture again).

Buy from Amazon

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