Selfie Toaster

A good white elephant gift is novel and unexpected, but also remotely useful, though probably more trouble than it’s worth. The Selfie Toaster certainly fits that description, and it’s sure to be a stand out in your gift exchange. This must-have product for every toast-loving ego-maniac, is named in Time Magazine’s 25 Weirdest Gadgets of […]

Ostrich Pillow

When an ostrich needs to get away from it all, it buries it’s head in the sand and takes a nap. For people that need the same therapy, there is the Ostrich Pillow, a cotton stuffed head-cocoon that makes taking a nap anywhere as easy zzz zzz zzz… According to the manufacturer, you “should not […]

Gummy Bear Anatomy Model

Have you ever wondered exactly what’s inside of those gummy bears your coworker keeps on their desk? Now you can see what this strange gelatinous creature is really made of with this hilarious anatomical model. The perfect white elephant gift for someone with a sweet tooth who should probably think a bit harder about their […]

Foot Hammock

Your mind may be full of deadlines and responsibilities but there’s no reason your feet can’t be relaxing like they’re on an island paradise. Don’t wait until the end of the day to sooth those aching dogs, after all, greater comfort leads to greater productivity. Or is it napping? Greater comfort leads to greater naps. […]

Pens No One Will Borrow

Lending someone a pen means never seeing it again. Unless of course you have this Subversive Pen Set. These fake promotional pens will always be promptly returned, plus people may not ask you next time. Watch them try not to react when they see you have a pen from Springfield Sexual Addiction Center or Verdant Fields […]

The Dad Bag

Not everyone has had the time, genetics, or inclination to cultivate a big hairy belly. That doesn’t mean they should miss out on the chance to flaunt a big hairy belly. This lifelike bag allows man, woman, or child to experience the glory of dadbod-ness. The adjustable waist belt ensures that this manbelly will stay […]

Poems by Cats

Many people don’t understand the intellectual depth of the common house cat. They are deep and brooding artists, whose genius is so lofty it often goes unnoticed by uncultured beasts like humans. Finally there is a proper tribute to the complex inner workings of the cat psyche. Some of the most notable and influential cat […]

Air Conditioned Shirt

If there are some people in your white elephant exchange that value comfort over style, perhaps an air conditioned shirt is a good gift? It may make them look a little bloated and puffy, but it’s a great way to hide that spare tire. Its dual built-in battery powered fans will keep even the sweatiest […]

Shittens Moist Wipes

Shittens are mitten shaped disposable moist wipes that protect hands from all kinds of crap. Never risk hand-to-poo contamination again. Shittens are FDA approved, eco-friendly, and flushable. Great for cleaning up unfortunate messes caused by toddlers and pets, or perhaps from that 3 alarm chili. Shittens will surely embarrass whoever receives this gift, but who can say […]

UFO Detector

According to some reports, 1 in 3 Americans believe in UFOs, and 1 in 10 say they have seen one, which means several people in your white elephant exchange fall into this category. Help protect them from becoming the next abductee who gets the probe. This device senses electromagnetic disturbances that are apparently common during UFO […]

The Worst Musical Instrument

The Otamatone is the worst musical instrument ever created. It sounds awful and cannot be played well, even with diligent practice. It’s an unhappy marriage of a slide whistle and sea slug, and it makes a perfect white elephant gift that’s sure to delight and infuriate the musically gifted or the musically challenged. Available in […]

Motorized Cooler

Being the proud owner of a motorized cooler means you never have to worry about finding a ride to the party. After all, you are the party. Plus it’s easy to get a lift if you ever break down. “Hey, my motor cooler crapped out on highway 401. I think it’s overloaded with beer. Can […]

The Hungover Cookbook

Perfect for the morning after, the afternoon after, sometimes two days after, The Hungover Cookbook has everything you need to make the harsh transition to sobriety. Start by determining the exact diagnosis of your hangover by researching P. G. Wodehouse’s six hangovers. Then, delve into the mass of hangover-related quizzes and stats to classify the […]

Book of Dad Jokes

Something happens to a man’s sense of humor after he has his first child. Someone who was once witty and insightful, suddenly takes a turn towards corny puns and family-safe jokes. You can’t correct their path into the land of unfunny, so you may as well celebrate it by giving them some more ammunition for […]

Gotta Go Disposable Restroom

If there are some completely unashamed people in your group then a portable restroom may be an interesting choice. A portable bathroom is inherently funny, plus using it is sure to be one of the more humiliating things that someone can experience. Nothing like being able to make direct eye contact with someone as they’re taking care of […]

Horse Head Squirrel Feeder

An old man once told me that squirrels were put on this Earth for our entertainment. If that’s true why not play along with a comical horse head squirrel feeder? Unsuspecting squirrels are completely unaware that we are laughing at their expense as they enjoy their proudly discovered feast. This is a great white elephant gift […]

Screaming Goat

In some ways, this is a classic white elephant gift. Small, useless, and hilarious. If there is a true animal lover in your exchange, they might just white elephant crap their pants over this one. Goats are the lovable misfits of farm life, seemingly a joke of nature. Whether they’re climbing a tree they have […]

People of Walmart Calendar

You know the website, now you can admire the spectacle of Walmart with a day-by-day People of Walmart desk calendar. These hilarious images of real Walmart shoppers will make you embarrassed for all humanity. One horrifying picture for every day of the year. This calendar is a foray into the strange depths of the human […]

Giant Candy

The Average American eats about 50 chocolate bars per year. That’s about 5 and a half pounds of candy bars annually. That’s according to some page that I read on the internet, so I’m pretty sure it checks out. I say we can do better. Why not eat candy bars more efficiently, say about 1 […]

Gold Grillz

If someone in your gift exchange could use a little dental work, here’s a solution with a lot more bling – just cover those rotten teeth with gold. No need to straighten or whiten when you can decorate instead. These beauties are the height of sophistication and class, and they let the world know that […]

Foodie Dice

Foodie Dice are the perfect gift for the indecisive chef who just needs a little direction. Cooking the same repertoire of meals over and over again is uninspiring. Where’s the challenge? What better way to shake things up then with a set of dice? Great for the next Iron Chef style home cooking completion. Foodie […]

Ugly Christmas Sweaters

Christmas as a grown-up is all about spiked eggnog, avoiding the fruit cake, and breaking out that hideously ugly sweater. These gems make perfect white elephant gifts and always change hands throughout the party. There are dozens of amusing and offensive choices like Santa writing his name in pee, vomiting reindeer, or the above “snowman nose thief” by Tipsy Elves. Buy from […]

Mouseterpieces

Hideously cute and adorably morbid, these real stuffed mice will certainly get a big reaction at your white elephant exchange. No doubt inspired by Steve Carell’s character in Dinner for Schmucks, these previously-living taxidermy mice are dressed as famous personalities from history and popular movies. Being immortalized as a pop icon is perhaps a better […]

Earthworm Jerky

If there are some foodies in your group, earthworm jerky may be a challenge they can’t refuse. Watching someone eat this stuff would be worth the cost of the product. Earthworm Jerky is also perfect for creating a “Fear Factor” home game. These wholesome snacks are full of protein, minerals, and wormy-goodness. Worms are eaten […]

Uranium Ore

You can buy just about anything on Amazon, including Uranium ore. It is radioactive and perfect for conducting nuclear experiments or building a death ray. May also be useful for fueling broken time machines, or for creating pets with super powers. There are more than 1400 customer reviews on Amazon, and most of them are pretty […]

Framed Tweets

Over the past several years Twitter has evolved from something only young trendsetters understood to something that shapes and defines American culture and policy. Like it or not, tweets now have an enduring role to play in mainstream modern communication. Why not elevate them further into the realm of art? Immortalize someone’s absurd 140 character […]

White Trash Cookbook

You can gussy it up with a fancy name, but why bother? You should always respect and honor your roots. And even if these aren’t your roots, they’re someone’s, and that someone is about to help you eat like a country king. This book is a culinary masterpiece that will be perfect for whoever receives […]

Tequila Mockingbird

This is the smart drunk’s book of ways to get drunk without having to not feel smart anymore. Everyone knows the literary world has always been peopled with high boozers, so this book isn’t the first place that wordsmithing and the happy sauce have been brought together in holy matrimony. But it sure is clever […]

Dammit Doll

Physical aggression is frowned upon in most cases and can earn you a hefty fine, land you in jail, or worse. It does sometimes feel really good, however. And thankfully, these dolls aren’t calling a lawyer when you bash their heads against the nearest solid object. Give a lucky person the gift of catharsis this […]

Workplace Complaint Department

Disagreements are bound to come up in the workplace, and it’s important to have a system in place to effectively address people’s concerns. This new complaint department will create an immediate resolution to any disputes, and after it’s in place you’ll notice that the office suddenly functions like a well-oiled machine, every worker bee toiling […]